Killer Shark Caught off Amity Coast -- AKA: "The Meeting"

The alleged giant killer shark that has been blamed for two gruesomedeaths this week has been caught and killed, according to Amity Police ChiefMartin Brody. Local fisherman caught the beast in waters one mile south-west ofAmity. They will receive a $3,000 reward for their heroic and selfless efforts.

After the shark was brought ashore, it was inspected by MattHooper, a marine biologist from the Oceanographic Institute, who is one of the world’sforemost expert on sharks.

The captured shark was a nurse shark, which happens to bethe most brutal and dangerous of all sharks. Nurse sharks have been responsiblefor hundreds of swimmers’ deaths along the East Coast of the United States inrecent years.

Just yesterday, numerous Amity residents crowded in a small roomfor a town meeting to address the shark issue. Chief Brody told the mob thatthere will be extra summer deputies on duty and shark spotters on beaches.Although the beaches were to be closed, experts from the oceanographic Institutewere to check out the area.

Meanwhile, Ben quint, a fisherman with sharp blue eyes andash-colored sideburns, brought attention to the group. He was willing to goafter the killer fish, offering its carcass for a mere $10,000 reward.

The beaches will reopen immediately just in time for theFourth of July weekend. Chief Brody asserts that islanders and guests alikeshould not be alarmed by the presence of shark spotters from various governmentagencies in waters off of the coast.

“They are simply a safety precaution that we hope will putour visitors at ease,” Chief Brody said. Residents are encouraged to swim andhave fun for the holiday weekend.

“While law enforcement officials urge vigilance on the partof all citizens, we believe we can safely say that the danger of further sharkattacks has probably passed,” Chief Brody said. “Amity’s darkest days arebehind us.”

Any shark sightings should immediately be reported to authoritiesat a toll-free shark hotline, 1-800-Shark-See.

“We wish everyone a safe and happy Fourth of July.”